Monday, December 17, 2012

RESCUE~Chapter 4

This is the first chapter I've written in a while, obviously. I couldn't write for a while then...today...IDK...just came out pretty easily and I think I like how I've been able to roll some things together that make it all come together better in my mind. I'd love thoughts on this chapter, please. Does it hold your attention? Or do I lose you at any point? And if so, where? There was a gap between Derek in chapter 2 and 4 since chapter 3 focused on Melody and Jason, so...if none of this makes sense, it may help to go back and read the other chapters. On...and one last thing, I decided to just make it two dark skinned, foreigners instead of the origonal four who meet Derek and the General. Thanks!


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Chapter 4


Derek fell back against his seat as the General's word's echoed in his mind, “If we are ever going to launch the Fellcamp Mission, it's now or never.”
He forced himself to listen to the rest of the conversation to be sure he'd actually heard what the General said. Something like this couldn't afford to be mistaken for something else.
The old General puffed cigar smoke into the air, filling the limousine with a sweet smell that made Derek nauseous. He never could get used to that kind of smoke.
One of the dark skinned men leaned forward, resting his folded hands on the table in the middle of the car and let out a forced cough. “We thought you were coming to hold a meeting to discuss the possibility of a Code Blue.”
Buckeimer laughed, setting the cigar down on a rest. “Gentlemen, really. Do you think I would have come this far, this fast with this little if we were simply going to discuss the idea of this?”
“This may not be the best time, General.” The other of the dark skinned men, who Derek noticed to be very small, said.
“The time is now, Nateel!” The German slammed his fist down on the table. “This is the only time for it! Everything is lined up. The charts all match perfectly. And if we don't do it now...” He broke himself off in the middle of his sentence and leaned back again with a pained expression in his face.
“What is it, General?” Nateel asked.
“Nothing.” The old man shook his head, the fat under his chin jiggling like jello. “This is the only time to make it work. As I said before, it is now or never. I need you men to trust me.” He glanced around at each of the faces, surprising Derek by looking at him too and holding his gaze for a moment. “The boy is ready. No matter how much I will always doubt any and every man on this earth, I know that the boy is as ready as any of them could be. He will make this work.”
“Sir,” the larger of the foreign men leaned forward, reaching for a bottle that sat in the middle of the table and proceeding to poor himself a glass of the drink. “It is not that we doubt you, but our chief is no longer certain the the benefit for us would outweigh the enormous risk factor that we did not know of until last week.”
“Radeeb need not fear for his people or his island,” Buckeimer said, picking his cigar back up. “Their safety will be as ensured as that of the German nation's.”
“How can we be sure?”
“No man can be sure of anything in life, Sael. This is where you must trust me.”
Nateel leaned forward again and shook his head. “It is too risky. Radeeb won't consent without more proof that you and your men will do all in their power to ensure the safety of our people and land.”
“Have we not done enough?” Buckeimer shouted. “We have already kept your island secret from any sort of satellite or tracking device. As far as the entire world is concerned, your island doesn't even exist! You're the invisible people! How much more of a guarantee does your chief need? Do you have any idea what kind of money and technology it takes to do something like that?”
“Allow me to point out, General,” Sael said, “that all of this has been done in such a way as to make this mission of yours most convenient for you. It is hard to see the sacrifice from our point of view since, without our island and it's...invisible qualities, your precious Fellcamp Mission would never work
“I can't believe what I am hearing!” Buckeimer slammed his hand down on the table again. “If it had not been for us finding your island when we had, it would have been blown to pieces in our test launches on the United States! Our missiles would have ripped right through the core of your little piece of land and nobody would have been any the wiser! We have had to reconfigure our entire system, which is no small task I might add, to keep you safe!”
Nateel broke in calmly, but with a firmness that Derek would not have suspected from a man of such small stature. “Do not forget, Buckeimer, that this became the case only when you realized that our island would expand your plan to more than just America. That it would allow you to begin a true world domination and, not only this, but that our island was set up perfectly for you to build your compounds and training camps on. Not to mention the fact that, with our island being invisible to the rest of the world, you could hide there and be virtually impenetrable without having to build any sort of armor, except that which is needed to protect the force-field.”
“With you by my side! With Radeeb as my equal in power! We are not enemies! We are allies with the same dreams!”
“This is your dream, General.” Nateel kept a firm gaze fixed on the now trembling German. “Radeeb's is to simply better his land and his people's life. We have lived off the land for quite some time very comfortably. The only time we have ever had rumor of war or any kind of real trouble was when you came into the picture with your plans.”
Buckeimer opened his mouth to reply, but Sael cut in before he could say anything.
“I'm sorry, General. But, Radeeb has instructed us to inform you that we are pulling our support and thus, the land and people we have supplied for you. We can not, do not, and will not aid you in this bloodthirsty endeavor.”
Derek saw Buckeimer's face grow red as he said, through clenched teeth, “It seems that you forget that I have nearly as many people on your island as you do. And mine have weapons much more advanced than your hunting rifles and cross bows. I could simply begin with your little island as a practice run in my tactics for world domination.” He leaned back in his seat and resumed puffing in his cigar again. “Give that to Chief Radeeb to chew on.”


2 comments:

  1. Great chapter! I love the conflict, and I really love the last line. Perfect ending, and it adds a confident tone to the General's demeanor. Really great work on this one! It held my attention all the way through and raises lots of questions. :D

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  2. I only noticed one thing:

    " The other of the dark skinned men, who Derek noticed to be very small, said." There is a long pause between 'the other dark skinned man' and 'said'. It kind of draws me out. Maybe if you take out the part in between and put them somewhere else, it might help.

    But that was all. You kept me very interested and I agree with Eli about the last sentence. :D

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