Rescue. The book.Oookay. So. Yeah. No new chapters. At all. The start of chapter 4 several times, but not past the first few paragraphs.
This just isn't good and something's sucking the motivation out of me. This just isn't good either. :P
So...IDK what's wrong...but...well, for one, I can't seem to focus on my book when I sit down to write, but I can't focus on much more when I'm not writing. Well...almost. But, here's where I think my issue is. Pacing. As of right now and at the pace I'm going at...in three or four more chapters, my book will be done and I'll have nothing more than a glorified short story. That's really not what I want. I am strongly considering starting the whole book over and trying to pace myself better. Any thoughts on that idea?
And...if I do do that...I'll have a chance to start fresh so I need lotses of honesty here. (Not that I doubt any of you would be anyways...but be open to the idea of being brutally honest here. :P )I'll ask a few questions and would love (horribly, brutally honest, remember) feedback if anyone can spare a few minutes. I just need to know what to keep, what to change, where to change, how to change, who to change...you get the idea, right?
I think I like my plot. It's not some ridiculously large plot like I would like to write one day...but, I do think I like it. It feels solid for the most part and that's rare for me in my writing. So...as far as the plot goes...are you intrigued? And what parts are the ones that grab you and make you want to keep reading?
As far as pacing goes...where do you feel things moving along too quickly? Do you find that they ended up on the island too fast? Do you want more of them before they ever got on the plane? Did they run into trouble too fast?
And...now...I think maybe one of the biggest issues in my book (judging by reactions from readers)...how do I need to change Melody's and Jason's relationship? I know they're way too "wishy washy" and probably don't feel too real. Should I make him someone other than her brother? A best friend or cousin or something? Maybe IDK how to handle the big brother thing and that would help to change they're relation. Thoughts there?
And...are there any parts of the book you like? Parts you want built on?
What is the biggest plus? And what is the biggest minus?
Any other thoughts at all?
Thanks...I know that's a ton...and really...nobody has to answer any of them. But, you're welcome to answer some or all. Any or none...I appreciate anything. :)
I really want to finish this book...but I'm kinda drained on several points of it right now...so...I gotta figure out how to fix it or it'll get put me in more of a fix! :P
Firstly, on Jason and Melody. I don't think their relationship AS A WHOLE is too wishywashy. I like it a lot, I think it's sweet. I think ASPECTS of their relationship are a bit unrealistic. Like the head-kissing and hair-stroking. :P But that's my opinion.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I think you could spend more time with the plane chaos, if you like.
Thirdly, I like your plot too. :) I don't see any huge problems with it. Although, to make things longer, you could add more of a subplot with Derek.
Fourthly, this: http://olivia-myepiphanies.blogspot.ca/2012/09/when-inspiration-goes-mia.html
hopefully some of that helps!
Thanks a bunch, Livvy. :) I really appreciate it. :)
DeleteThat does help and I'll try to read that article soon.
Melody and Jason's relationship is...blah. IDK...yeah...needs work and fixing. I'll be thinking about that.
Thanks again. :)
Hmmm... brutally honest?? OK, you said so.
ReplyDeleteHere it goes:
I think you should keep Melody and Jason as brother and sister. I like that. However, the way you wrote them, (their affectionate caresses, as mentioned above)do seem a little unrealistic for a brother and sister. There is nothing wrong with it, it just doesn't seem like a brother/sister thing.
OK, here comes the brutal part. (You told me to be brutally honest. This is a warning) :D
I think the whole three chapters seemed a little too fast paced. I didn't seem to get much time to truly know the characters and to care about them. To be honest, if Jason had died in that plane crash, I don't think I would have cared too much.
I think the time on the plane did go a little too fast. I would have liked that to be lengthened a little bit.
Um... the part on the island... I couldn't see the island too well and everything that went on there... just didn't seem to sink in. The action went too fast. Maybe make it a little more difficult for them to escape the men.
One other thing: POV. This is where writing in 3rd person gets hard. I felt several POV shifts in the story. In one sentence we are seeing things through Jason's eyes, and in the next we are seeing them through Melody's eyes. That not only can be confusing to the reader, but it takes the personal stuff out of the story. We don't really feel connected with the characters. Try sticking to one or the other, or, if you want to go back and forth, make a break in the story and switch to the other person's view on the scene. Make sense?
And on the more positive side: :D
You really have my interest in the story. I am very curious as to why their father left them and what that phone call was about. And I am also curious as to the box Melody had in her bag and why she was so nervous at the airport. I hope you are going to expound on that? :D
And that is all I have right now. Aren't you glad? :P
~Erin
Thank you, Erin! :)
DeleteThis is what I was needing from different people and I really appreciate you taking the time to type all of that up. Great points that I will certainly remember that when I go back to re-write.
Yes...I indend to expound on all of that. :)
Thanks again so much, girl. :)
Hey Anna!
ReplyDeleteWow I love your story Anna, it's really intriguing...keep it up!
Here's my input (and I'm not really a writer, so keep that in mind as you read my rambling suggestions) :-P
I think slowing the pace is a great idea...lots of descriptions, thoughts, and conversations (even everyday conversations that let us get to know Jason and Melody better) from the beginning, maybe even before they leave on the airplane. You can stretch everything out a lot by describing the thoughts (and memories?) and feelings and the surroundings as the story is unfolding. (Even describing the casual observations that Melody/Jason make--like at the busy airport or in the crowded airplane-- so that the readers can't tell which observations are important and which are just things that they happened to notice...maybe) :-)
Jason is great as a big bro., and it was a great idea to make him that sort-of father/protector figure. Maybe just make him less perfect, and give him some characteristics that define him more. I agree that less caressing would be better, except maybe when the plane is about to crash or something. IDK...as you know, I'm no expert on brothers (big or little) :-P
3. The asthma is a great idea...kind of like Melody's constant battle...you could really build on that.
It's really exciting, and I'll be looking forward to more posts!
Hope ya'll are all doing well. I hope we can see ya'll soon...it's really been too long.
Love, Katie
Thanks for the feedback, Katie! I really appreciate all of that. Good stuff. :) I'll keep all of that in mind when I re-write. :)
DeletePlot and Intrigue:
ReplyDeleteThe plot is certainly intriguing. The characters have a strong relationship framework, and you're building a strong foundation for the same. I have plenty of questions about what's going on. If anything, I would just suggest you make the reader ask more questions. Want to know more about what's going on. Implement more things that don't make sense. Expand the gap, in other words, between what we expect and what we see. You don't have to have a logical explanation for everything right now, I don't think. But the more questions you raise, the better.
Pacing:
The pacing does seem a bit rushed. The thing that occurs to me about this is that you seemed to be in a rush to get to some action (like I'm one to talk :P). You can only focus the development of your story on a couple things at a time, IMO. I think you sacrificed character development at the expense of immediate action. More importantly, though, I think you sacrificed setting development. We change settings really fast, and it's hard to get a clear picture of where we are at any point. More description, it think, could really help balance things. You're pacing will be automatically slowed down, plus your setting will be developed. Win-win situation, IMO.
Relationship:
The relationship between Jason and Melody could be stronger. The main issue, I think, is you're trying too hard to convince us that they're extremely close. We're such skeptical jerks that we're not really going to buy that. Personally, I kinda think that some things carry more power if you show them anyway. So if you show us more that they're close, and resist any opportunity to tell us. We feel smart that way, even though we're really just being manipulated.
Another possible weakness is that I've never observed a relationship between a big brother and his little sister with these age dynamics. I think possibly that the level of physical contact is sending processing error messages through our brains because they're brother and sister, and yet the way they interact reminds me more of a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. Does this make sense? What little point of reference I have for what a brother and sister relationship like this would look like IRL is conflicting with the imagery you're producing, so it's just not working very well. You could change her relationship to him and make him a friend, but if you maintain this level of physical interaction he should be a boyfriend. If he's a cousin, it's going to be even harder to believe, I think, that he would be so close to Melody like this. In other words, unless you want him to be a boyfriend/fiance/husband, I think this level of physical contact needs to be backed down, because typical boy/girl relationships of other sorts in America (brother/sister, cousins, ect.) don't look like this. Of course, America is not the standard at all, but since these are Americans we're dealing with, you're going to have to build a stronger setting for us to understand and appreciate why they are the exception to the rule for this to work.
Continued...(Blogger is being annoying about comments today)
ReplyDeleteI hope something up there made sense. I'm not feeling very clear today.
I suggest you sit down and ask yourself exactly why you are writing this book, and what you want out of it. I don't mean what you're writing /for/, I mean why you're writing this particular story. What kind of story you want out of it. Are you writing it because you want to write action? Fantastic. Action rocks. Just work on balancing the story around action. You're good at action, and it's really not hard. Just get a solid foundation for what the story is about, and what you want out of it.
For some positive aspects on the story so that I don't sound like I think it's horrible (because I really don't), you already have a lot of questions built up, and Melody clearly has some secrets, which is good. She also has reason to keep those secrets (or thinks she does), so that has already built a nice relational situation. Also, the villains are clearly brutal people if they're willing to ditch an entire plane full of people, so we already have something to fear. Derek also entered the story really strong for some reason, so you could do something with him if you wanted. There's really all kinds of possibilities, and the story is certainly not slow. You've really got a lot to work with, and it's got plenty of promise.
Thanks soooo much for taking all of that time to write that up. Really, really awesome and very helpful.
DeleteIt's a lot to take in, but I've got it up here and I'll be referencing this again when I write. If I /ever/ get to. :P
Yeah...their relationship is hard for me to figure out too. :P I guess I know less about it than I thought. :P But, I'll either change their relation or change their interaction. I was trying to show him as more of a father figure...but...wait...hmmm...just had an idea. Hmmmmmmmmm...*ponders*
Okay...new idea to chew on. :P
Anyways! Thanks so much. I really appreciate it all. :)