A matter of...well, I can't think of the right word :P

Well, I really don't want to say what I'm about to, but I've been doing a whole lot of hard thinking and praying in the last 12-14 hours and I think this is the right thing to do. I think it's what would please God the most at this point.

Okay...so, no use trying to talk my way around it. I'm stopping writing. Not forever, but I don't know when I'll pick it back up. I do...completely plan on finishing “Rescue” at some point, but it may not be for a year and quite possibly longer.

I love writing. I love doing it more than I love doing anything else in the world when it comes to hobbies (for lack of a better word). I love it more than I love singing or cooking or anything like that. I'd be happy if I could just sit in my room all day and write. If I could make a living on writing, I'd be very content and happy. But I just can't, obviously. (Plus, there's other calling on my life that is so much more beautiful.)

And that's part of the problem. I need to do whatever I can to move forward in my life. I need to be able to leave everything from the “no major responsibilities” part of my life behind...at least for now. Writing ties me back to the time when I could do a day's worth of school then sit and write forever. I'm not there anymore. I need to not be there anymore. And as hard as it has been to admit it...writing is getting in the way of my mind being in the place it should be.

Writing is an escape for me in a sense. Not that I need to escape from anything really anymore...but it allows me to throw myself in a world that doesn't exist, which takes me out of the world that does exist...and thus the world that matters. It gives my mind the chance to create problems that I know I can fix. It gives me a chance to be with some of my “favorite people”...and they aren't even real.

Instead of escaping this world, I'm at the point in my life where I need to, not only face it, but embrace it and embrace the duties that brings with it.

Writing is a major distraction for me. Like I said before, I love it. I mean...I seriously can't begin to say how much I love it. As much as I gripe and complain about how bad I think I am at it (and I very well may be just as bad as all that), I do that a lot because I guess I've been afraid to face just how much I love it and how much it loves me back. Nobody (and I do mean nobody) knows how much I love writing. How much I love thinking about it. Coming up with plots. Hanging out with my characters. Creating a world where everything ends well and I can see that ending when nobody else can. I've never told anybody just what it does to me and how much I love it. IDK why I've kept it so secret. Maybe I didn't even know myself.

This may all sound crazy...especially to anyone who doesn't write...but if you do and you're passionate about it...you get an idea of what I'm saying.

And...it's pretty hard to accept that I won't be writing my book. I may continue writing...songs, short stories, etc...but I simply can't continue with my book and focus like I should on where I believe God is leading me. It's something that deserves everything in me...all that I am, can be and will be should be focused on this calling and leading from God and it takes more willpower than I care to describe to admit that writing is taking part of me that should be elsewhere.

More than anything else...I guess writing is just a distraction to my mind and time and it's so connected to my childhood (since I started loving writing back at a time when that was fine and I didn't have to focus on anything else.). And it's time for me to let go of childhood and embrace the fact that God is growing me up perhaps faster than I realized. And that takes effort, attention, devotion and hard work.

Even if writing isn't necessarily harming what I should be doing...it's certainly, certainly not helping it. And I need to devote my time and energy to things that will help it and all the people involved in the calling God has given me. I need to prove to God and show Him how serious I am and how much I am willing to work to get where I believe He is leading me. Even to prove how much I just want it. Because it really is so much more amazing than any book that I could ever write...or even, I think...any that has been written by man.

So, yeah...I kinda just spilled my guts here...and it's been hard to admit all of this. Like...really, really...really hard. But, I know now that it's best. The hardest part about it was just swallowing the truth the first time and admitting that I need to stop writing right now. Especially when I'm so excited and into my newest work, Rescue. I was so excited about it and had it planned better than any book I've even attempted writing...maybe too much so.

Sorry to all of you who were reading my book...and thank you so much for the time and interest you put into it. Like I said, I don't plan on this being permanent, but I'm not putting a time limit on it. I'm just going to have to wait on Christ and let Him lead me and show me when it will be right to take it back up.

Now that I've said all that I may have a good cry. :P Yeah...I'll miss it. A lot. But I do believe it's God's will for me and that it's a sacrifice that will help the future I believe God is arranging for me. And that makes the sacrifice so, completely worth it.
I'll still do things that have to do with writing...just not write my own book. 

Thanks again, y'all, for the time and thought you've put into the small amount of writing I put up on this blog. Hope I can return the favor someday, somehow. :)