RESCUE~Chapter 1 (Re-Write)

Okay! So...we are in FL. right now...but I managed to hang out in the van while everyone else was on the horses and I got my first chapter written...finally! Eeeesh, I've been itching, itching to write...feels so good. Not sure how good IT is though. :P We are headed to dinner now and I haven't had time to edit, so this is the 100% rough draft. Please let me know what you think of it all. I'd really appreciate all brutal thoughts. :P And, just so you know, this is the same story as the last version of "Rescue" I posted...I'm just adding way more to it, making it longer, giving more background/detail etc. Here's the first chapter. It's a bit shorter, but I think I work better with short stories.
Oh...and is there enough detail in this chapter? How's the emotion? What do you think of Melody? How about Jason? Is it all too choppy? How is Melody and Jason's relationship now? How does this one compare to the previous first chapter? Seriously...any and all thoughts are sooo welcome. ;)
Thanks SOOO much! :D

~.~.~.~.

Chapter 1

            “Melody, help me! Please!” Screams tore through the air as Samuel screamed for his sister.

            “Samuel!” She shrieked and ran towards the edge the cliff. “Oh, God, please!” Slamming down on her knees, she reached down and latched onto his right hand with both of hers while his left remained grasping the edge of the cliff.

            His arms shook and his knuckles turned white as he tried to keep a hold on the jagged rock.

            Melody sucked in deep breaths to keep herself calm as she pulled up on his hand. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she bit her lip, straining and tugging.

            Samuel's left hand slipped a half inch back. “Pull, Mel.” He groaned, hanging by his fingertips, from which blood began to flow as the rough surface cut into them.

            Sweat trickled down her face as Melody closed her eyes and yanked up. They flew open just in time to see her brother's left hand fly back.

            His weight yanked her down on her chest, knocking her chin against the ground. She screamed as her grasp broke and his hand slid down so that only their fingertips were locked together.

            Melody could feel her fingernails digging into his flesh as he swatted to grab her hand.

            “Sam!” She shrieked, reaching down and grabbing his wrist. She slid forward a foot so that almost her entire torso was in the air.

            “Let go, Mel!”

            “Wha- No!”
            “Melody, we'll both go down if you don't. Just let go!”

            “Sam, please.” She sobbed.

            “Do what I say, Melody,” he grunted.

            “No!”

            Their arms began to sway back and forth as both of their strength grew weaker.

            Melody stared down into the eyes of her brother. Deep green eyes that stared right back into hers. A gust of wind blew her long, red hair back and she shook her head to sweep her bangs out of her eyes.

            “Just hold on, Sam.” She slid another couple of inches forward.

            “I can't Mel.” A tear slipped down his cheek. Then, before she could think to stop him, he twisted his hand out of hers and flew back.

            “Samuel!” Her scream seemed to rip open the sky as she watched his head slam against a rock a few yards down. Blood sprayed as he continued to tumble past the cliff, landing on the ground, far below, where he remained motionless.

            “Mel,” someone whispered in her ear.

            She didn't reply, but kept screaming for her brother as she reached her hands out towards him. “Samuel, please! Don't! No!”

            “Melody, look at me.”

            She stopped crying and her eyes grew wide as she looked up and saw Samuel walking on the air towards her.

            “Sam?”

            “Mel, hey. Come on. It's okay.” His voice sounded different.

            She reached for his hand and he reached for hers.

            Silent tears streamed from her emerald eyes as she watched their fingertips meet, then slide up until their hands were locked in a firm grasp.

            “Sam...”

            “Melody, it's me. Jason. Look at me.”

            She felt her hair being stroked as a gust of wind blew in her face. Everything flashed black, then white.

            She looked around and let out a sob as her gaze landed on the white carpet. She was leaning halfway off the edge of her bed, grasping someone's hand as another brushed her hair out of her face.

            “Mel, look at me.”

            She looked up into the face of her older brother who was leaning down, looking at her with his eyebrows drawn together. His lips were set in a frown and tears welled up in his eyes.

            “Jay?”

            “It's okay. It's okay. You were just remembering again. Everything's okay now.”

            “No it's not!” She screamed, throwing his hand back and sitting up on her bed. “He's dead, Jason! Dead!”

            “He's been gone for over a year, Mel.”

            “So, you think that just because a miserable year has gone by I should be able to forget him?”

            “He was my brother, too, Melody.” Jason straightened up, still looking down at her.

            “You weren't there! You don't know how I-how he-and the blood. His face, smashed. His guts-”

            “I know, I know.” Jason sat down on the bed next to his sister and laid his hand on her shoulder. “I know, Mel. But, you did all you could, okay?”

            “I wish I had died that day!” She screamed. “I wish I would have gone down with him!”

            “Don't talk like that.”

            Melody curled up and hugged her knees, staring into space. “I shouldn't have yanked up.”

            Jason shook his head. “Don't start this again. Don't-”

            “If I hadn't done that, he wouldn't have pulled me down and I could have grabbed his other hand.”

            “Melody, please look at me.” Jason shifted on the bed and leaned down so that she couldn't avoid his gaze.

            “What?”

            “Let's go to town. Call Tracy and let's go watch a movie or something.”

            She shook her head. “I don't want to go anywhere.”

            “You can't keep yourself cooped up in your room all the time. Come on, please?”

            “I can't, Jay.” She sniffed and sat up, blinking as if she'd just woken up and looked around. “What happened?”

            Jason let out a sigh of relief. Mentioning something in their present life didn't always break her out. But it had this time, thankfully.“You were remembering again.”

            “Oh, yeah.” Her voice trailed off. “Samuel.”

            “Hey, let's call Tracy and see if she wants to go watch a movie with us. My treat.”

            Melody shrugged. “I don't hang out with her anymore.”

            “Why not? I thought you were best friends.”

            Melody snorted. “Yeah, like actual friends really exist anymore.”

            Jason bit his lip, letting his gaze fall to the ground. Then he looked at her and smiled. “Well, the truth is I'm glad.”

            “What?” Melody looked up at him in confusion.

            He grinned and stood up. “Because now, I get you all to myself.”

            She smiled a little and shook her head. “Okay, fine.” She stood up then stopped. “Wait.”

            “What?”

            “Where's Dad?”

            Jason shrugged. “He was expecting another business phone call, I think.” 

~R~

               “This is your last warning, Willard! You know what will happen if you don’t deliver.” The heavy accent flowed over the phone.

            “Please, don’t! Just give me a few more months.” Willard's voice shook.

            “Shut up and get it! Or I promise you, you’ll be sorry. But,” there was a chuckle. “Not as sorry as that little daughter of yours.”

            “If you so much as lay a hand on her-”

            “Oh, I won’t. But only as long as you deliver. And not a word of this to anyone or the result will be the same. And I may throw in a bonus for your wife and son. I mean it, Willard.”

            Click.